Recently when I’ve told people how busy I’ve been, I’ve been met with positive responses like ‘Well done, that’s awesome for you!‘.
Whilst I’m forever grateful for lovely supportive friends and family, I’ve felt almost embarrassed that I must have been framing ‘being busy’ as some kind of brag of how ‘important’ & ‘successful’ I am.
Because being ‘busy’ is actually the opposite of success for me.
Okay, so there’s a difference between good busy and bad busy, I realise. I’m talking about bad/stressed busy; where you end up just trying to keep your head above water to keep from drowning in emails and tasks. Where you spend all day on a constant speed setting of HIGH and things like eating lunch become second priority or else you’ll fall behind. Where things feel totally out of control.
In my mind, if I am this busy, I have failed.
When I went freelance, I did so for a reason. I wanted a business that would allow me to live at the speed I wanted whilst providing a service I loved doing. It was important to me that my work was well-balanced with my life and hobbies.
I set myself some ‘non-negotiables’ and wrote these down so that as soon as one of these came under threat, I would take it as an alarm that I’ve been doing something wrong and I need to take a step back. Here’s what that looks like:
“If I can’t take time to…
- Walk the dog twice a day
- Make a healthy lunch for myself
- Read at least one book a month
- Make and keep to doctors appointments
- Exercise at least once a week
- Do my hobby (eg. this blog!) at least twice a week
- Keep the house clean
- Meet with friends or family once a week
…then I am too busy and something needs to change.”
These might seem like silly small things, but that’s precisely why they’re so important. Like, if I don’t even have time to make and eat lunch what is life??
Over the past few weeks I’ve been struggling to post even once a week here on the blog, and the house cleaning has… well… not been a priority, let’s say. When things get to this kind of stressed busy, it’s not something to be proud of, because it means I’ve let things slip in other areas of my life.
It also means that I’ve failed at working effectively as well; if I’m just flailing around just trying to get tasks done, then there’s no way I can be following a strategy or think about how to use my time in the best way.
So, when someone asks me how my week has been I don’t want to reply “busy”, I want to reply “my week has been great; productive, effective AND well-rounded”. That is what success looks like to me.
Next time you’re feeling stressed busy and out-of-control, consider your own ‘non-negotiables’. If these look like they’re under threat then take a step back and ask yourself ‘what has gone wrong’ and ‘how can I make sure this situation doesn’t happen again?’. I say this partly as a reminder to myself, by the way!
What are your non-negotiables? How do you know when you need to take a step back?
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Gosh I can totally agree with this one! Sometimes life gets so hectic you end up feeling like you’re running around from one thing to another in some sort of crazy dream rather than reality. I hope the next week brings more calm for you! Alice xxxx
http://www.woodenwindowsills.co.uk
Thanks lovely! And yes that’s absolutely what it feels like- dream(or nightmare!) like… like it’s all hazy and you’re just performing functions rather than having time to think and be present in the moment x
I can so relate to this! I like to be busy as in occupied, I hate to be busy as in frantic. My freelance work makes it really hard to avoid though! Things tend to come in fits and starts, and big projects inevitably slide in their timeframes meaning they can collide with others. I do my best to be firm with clients about their ‘window’, but unfortunately making them stick to it is another matter – they are all at the top of their field and used to people at their beck and call, I don’t want to be too demanding and have them go elsewhere with their business! So frustrating! The flip side of course is that sometimes I’ll have a completely free day to crack on with work on the house, which is kind of brilliant. Highs and lows! :-) x
Yes that’s definitely true haha – it’s either all or nothing!! And I absolutely relate about the time keeping thing too… sometimes no matter how structured and organised I am, it doesn’t make a difference if I have clients who have other ideas haha :) x
I really loved this. It’s so lovely that you’re able to say ‘somethings got to change’ – life’s to precious to let the things that make us happy and healthy slip away due to being too busy – the stressful busy that is – it’s definitely a sign we need to listen to. Xxx
Keep Calm and start writing –
http://www.23millymay25.blogspot.co.uk
So glad you liked this Amelia! I’m all about ‘designing’ a life you love living every day and I think the little things are so important for this; once these go out the window you know there’s definitely something wrong! X
I couldn’t agree more. Xx
never have kids then:)
Haha no worries! I totally understand this post is from a non-kids perspective. I literally can’t imagine trying to fit life and work around children and I have a lot of respect for people who do this. Honestly having a puppy is enough work for me- I don’t even understand how people cope with actual children haha :)
Love this little piece. I am one who needs to take time out to not be too ‘busy’ to give my brain some thinking space and recharge it’s batteries so when I need it to be useful it’s on form.
You’re very right (in my eyes) that if you can’t make something as simple as a lunch, then what is life? I have to say, although I always prefer eating out, if I make lunch I feel such a sense of achievement for something so benign. How is this so when we probably achieve many great things in life than just making lunch.
It is sometimes a struggle to be less ‘busy’ as many people see this as a positive thing and if you do want time to yourself for a bit of self care, others can make you feel there is something wrong with you and you can’t juggle everything. When I call my parents, my Dad will always ask if I’m busy at work and if I say ‘yes’, he’s always responds “great!’. Actually it’s not so great.
Anyway, if you haven’t come across it already, see if you can find a series on BBC Radio 4 called Oliver Burkeman is Busy. It is simply brilliant.
Ooh I’ll definitely check that out Laura thank you! So glad you enjoyed this little post and you can relate to what I mean about ‘busy’ having positive connotations to everyone, where it’s actually not so great. It’s definitely good to find a balance, but I just wish people wouldn’t put it on a pedestal so much! x