Visiting Cornwall on holiday? Here are some rules…
Yes, I’m saying what all us Cornish locals wish we could tell each and every tourist throughout Summer because someone bleddy has to! This may come across like I’m a grumpy old man but these are just some basic human guidelines that somehow get broken every year by visitors to our county, and I felt I had to make them clear to all!
1. Don’t feed the damn seagulls!!
Had to start with this one didn’t I? Seagulls aren’t cute; they are aggressive, scavenging pests. Like rats. They are literally our version of rats, and we don’t want them stealing our food and attacking our children. In fact, every 60 seconds a Cornish local dies from a seagull-related attack…
…But in all seriousness you will be shunned out of Cornwall if you can’t follow this rule.
2. Don’t drive and/or park like a tit
We get it. The views around here are spectacular and you want to enjoy them, but that doesn’t mean you should compromise the safety of your family, or other road-users, by driving too slowly, stopping suddenly, or parking in ridiculous places.
Also, if your caravan looks like it might be too big for one of our country lanes, it probably is, so don’t go down there. Yes, even if Satnav tells you to.
^ Image courtesy of the Parking Like a Tit in Cornwall facebook group
3. Support independent b&bs and guest houses
Not a rule I suppose; more of a suggestion! We have some great hotels here, but why not try out one of our many independently owned b&bs or guest houses, where you can have a truly local experience!
4. Learn some beach safety!
This is not the Mediterranean; we have strong tides and dangerous currents, so please brush up on your beach safety knowledge before you hit the beach with your family. In short, always stay between the red-and-yellow flags and don’t go swimming in the black-and-white (surfers only) or red flag (danger) zones.
We are all taught this in school from a young age here, so it’s easy to forget that some people who don’t live near the coast don’t know this stuff by nature.
5. Put a bleddy shirt on
Surely it’s just human decency to cover your flabby bits when you go into a shop or cafe/restaurant? Unless the cafe is literally on the beach and you’re sat outside, then this is weird and gross. You’ll probably ignore this, but at least I tried.
6. Don’t even mention Greggs
You may have noticed we don’t have Greggs. This is because we have proper bakeries here, and pasties that are actually genuine pasties. We don’t talk about Greggs, and neither should you.
^ Now that’s a proper pasty ;)
7. Be aware of dog-ban beaches
Many of our beaches (especially some of the more tourist-y) ones have permanent or seasonal dog bans. It sucks I know, but you should research before you bring your pooch because you do not want to leave him in the car if you find he’s not allowed. Here’s a good, reliable list of dog-friendly beaches.
8. Bring activities for your kids on the train (+ in cafes/restaurants)
Is this not just common sense? I don’t have kids, but even I wouldn’t expect a toddler to sit quietly with nothing to do on a long train journey or throughout a meal. Bring a notebook and pen, a puzzle, book or some small toys to keep them entertained and avoid a boredom tantrum.
9. Support independent shops & cafes
Why not visit some independent craft shops and boutiques rather than chain stores (after all, we really don’t have that many) and explore what Cornwall has to offer by going to markets and local butchers & fishmongers over supermarkets.
^ Much yummier than boring Tesco stuff!
10. Talk to us!
Despite this long (semi-joking) list, we’re actually a really friendly bunch! If you’re looking for the best place to eat or the best beach to visit, just ask a local and I’m sure they’d be happy to help, and they may have some tip-offs that you won’t find on Google!