How To Piss People Off on Public Transport

Your one-stop guide to annoying the Heck out of people on public transport.

You know what it’s like; settling in for a long journey that is already – by its nature – horribly slow and painful, without the added help from other humans.

Hopefully you’re actually a decent person, so won’t ever try one of the below antics without at least feeling bad about it. However I know there must be some people who just enjoy making other peoples’ lives a misery – otherwise why would these things happen every. single. time?! So this is for them:

1. Talk loudly about political issues you know nothing about

Let me first say that I am not the most politically aware person. But I don’t pretend I am either.

Nothing grinds my gears more than listening to two people talk loudly about how to solve all the world’s problems, when you just know they get all their politics information from Facebook memes…

2. Bring nothing for your young child to do on the journey

This is so simple; small children do not have the capacity to entertain themselves on a long train/plane journey. Heck, I don’t even know if I do – hence why I brought my phone and music and a book.

For Gods sakes people, bring some kind of colouring book or toys or entertainment for your kids! If they start screaming because they’re bored of looking out of the window, I blame you – not them.

3. Eat the smelliest food possible

I appreciate the fact that the smelliest foods are usually the tastiest, but bro please – settling down in the empty seat next to me and pulling out your egg/tuna/onion/garlic sandwich is so not cool.

4. Leave your phone on loud whilst you type

Obviously generally loud phone activity is the height of annoyance on public transport, but this is an important one on its own.

WHY IS IT SO HARD TO TURN YOUR KEYBOARD TAPPING SOUND OFF??

I don’t need or want to hear you type every single letter in your text essay/love letter to Bae on your bling-encrusted iPhone. Just stop.

5. Talk loudly about how small-minded everyone who doesn’t travel is

This may seem really specific, but it’s because it happened to me a few months ago, and it was the most annoying, cringe-worthy and simultaneously hilarious conversation I’ve ever had the misfortune to overhear (I had no choice in over-hearing it, btw).

^ These sentences genuinely came out of their 17 year old white girl mouths.

6. Let your child climb the seat & constantly bother the person behind

I don’t know if you think it’s ‘cute’ to let your child relentlessly interact with bother the person in the seat behind you, but it’s not. It’s freaking annoying.

It’s usually okay for the first minute or so. Then after 5 minutes it gets awkward, then after 10 minutes you start to worry if they’ll ever leave you alone or whether you inadvertently became their new best friend.

Unless the person behind you is a sweet old lady who wants to adopt all children they meet, or a fellow parent with a child of their own, chances are the person will feel awkward as Hell and wants some quiet time without your child’s face all up in theirs.

7. Watch a comedy on your tablet/laptop & laugh to yourself constantly

Thanks dude for considerately wearing headphones and listening to your entertainment at a respectable volume – appreciate it. But do you really gotta watch a beyond-hysterical-sounding comedy in public? The sudden, unexpected bursts of laughter booming from your seat keep making me jump, and it’s so frustrating not to be in on the joke :(

8. Fail to follow the rules of the airport

Whether it’s the lady trying to bring a Tesco bag of full-size toiletries through security (the liquids rule is over 10 years old now – what’s wrong with you?!) or the guy who thinks he’s immune to queuing, you’ll always get someone who can’t seem to follow simple rules and guidelines.

9. Talk loudly through all the announcements

Are you seeing a ‘talking loudly’ theme yet? Maybe just keep your voice low and considerate for others, yeah? Especially when I’m trying to listen for when my stop is, or where my boarding gate is – thanks a bunch!

10. Ask people to move out of your seat even when the train is empty

If the train is full and you need to be in your designated seat, then fair dos. However, if you are surrounded by 100 empty seats, why bother turfing someone else out of yours? Out of principle? I’ve seen someone do this to an old lady and it was as cruel and stupid as it sounds.

What pisses you off on public transport?

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